i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Randomize
