idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
