Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
