I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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