i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
