i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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