I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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