PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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