we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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