ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
