Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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