I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
