Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
