The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
