24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
