i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
