I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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