Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
