Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize