this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
