just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
