I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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