So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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