And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
