I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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