Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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