Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
