I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize