Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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