Where is the hickey?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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