Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
