I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
