I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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