We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
