wanna go halves on a baby?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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