So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
