morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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