he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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