just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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