Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
