Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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