Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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