Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let's get the cat blown out
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
