So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
