Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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