Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
