I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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