Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
