Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize