just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
