I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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