i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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