Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
