How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
