I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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