Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
