I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So many bounce houses so little time
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
