dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
