I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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