i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
