For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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