I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
