I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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