in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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