I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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