C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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